CONFESSIONS OF A HANGOVER IDIOT.
They, whoever they are, say that confession is good for the soul. Applied correctly it can be a very cleansing experience. However say it to the wrong person eg. A policeman, Judge or possibly your spouse and you could and probably would receive the most unlooked for smiting since god smoted someone who really needed it. In the next few paragraphs I’m going to drop my pants and bare my arse for your inspection. If you feel the need to kick it just remember you may have done something worse that may also bear inspection. I’m quite comfortable with baring my arse as I have mooned many an individual over the last few years, I however am going to remain anonymous. That is, I’m not going to tell you my name or give you my address.
Gaining an Australian Pilots license is very expensive to an individual if it is self-funded. It also requires a lot of study and sucking up to perspective employers. It’s a very cut-throat industry and although it appears glamorous it however becomes like most jobs, “A Job”. For instance as a flying instructor there’s nothing all too glamorous about sitting in a cockpit with someone spending hours practicing take off and landings (Up and down up and down…). Or travelling long distances looking out the window while your student does all the work and hopefully you arrive to your planned destination. On a “nav” (Flight over a long distance requiring navigation skills) an instructor generally needs only to say two words as he stares blankly through some perspex- “HEIGHT AND HEADING, HEIGHT AND HEADING….”
One fine day after a huge night at the bar sharing war stories about when I shot down three German ME 109’s out of the sky during the Battle Of Britain and napalmed an innocent village some where in North Vietnam while taking fire from a Viet Kong anti-aircraft battery (do the maths, I’m 42.Like most drunken Aussies at times, I’m full of shit after a few ales ), I took a student on a planned “nav” into and out of controlled airspace. Controlled airspace is generally covered by radar and requires all types of clearances to get in and out.
Let me give you just a little more background before the confession. Every pilot knows the datum “eight hours from bottle to throttle”, meaning 8 hours has to elapse before you can legally fly or take command of an aircraft following the consumption of alcohol. There is a little bit of a flaw in this rule, which you might say is a bit of a loophole. Eight hours had definitely lapsed between my last drink and “wheels up” with my student. However I had been drinking for the previous fifteen hours, after which I had one mother of a hangover. I wasn’t even capable of taking command of my little brother’s scooter let alone an aircraft flown by a student pilot.
Anyway having said that, away we went. Now with my ears securely housed in a se t of “David Clark’s” the aircraft engine thereafter takes on an acoustic value consistent with that of a low drone- very hypnotic. It is very conducive to the production of a “mAcro sleep”. I’m trying to say -I dozed off. Now the student being a good student let me sleep to the detriment of the planned excursion into “Controlled Airspace.”
It’s quite funny how you can almost sense danger despite being sound asleep. I woke up with a feeling of tremendous dread. “WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?????” I asked. “I DON’T FUCKING KNOW!!!!!” said the student. I looked out the window and I as I did I heard the radio blare something like. “Unidentified aircraft to the east, please squawk code [a four digit number] and contact [such and such] tower on frequency [such and such]. The student looked at me after which I said “Taking over”.
A few calculations later and the help of a navigation beacon, we located our position in space and “high tailed” it from the place from whence we arrived . And of course whilst remaining totally unidentified.
That little incident happened over 20 years ago. Believe you me when I say that time is no healer, events like that tend to stick with one and in some cases bite back in some unlooked for fashion.
Be that as it may, no technology existed 20 years ago that could defeat the dreaded hangover. Thankfully for you, I and two others have spent most of our lives in search of the illusive hangover cure. We fought the sea of false data and found the essential ingredient to the Huge Hangover Crews, Hangover Cure.
Many factors make up the resultant hangover after a big night, however; you will agree when I tell you that dehydration is probably the main contributing factor.
I would now like to introduce X20 (Xooma). Adding it to your daily water is as simple as 1,2,3! Drop an X20 sachet into water in a Xooma bottle, shake for 10 to 15 seconds and allow 5minutes for X20 to transform your water into an extremely high alkaline beverage. For optimal health benefits and peak performance, we suggest you use a new sachet with every bottle of water and a minimum of 2-3 sachets a day. If you have an old sachet in the bottle remove it before adding a new one.
Why add X20? Well your body loses 2.5 litres of water a day. (Imagine how much you lose after a “Big Night Out”). If you are physically active you lose more. Drinking just water is non-optimum. The most efficacious way to hydrate is at a cellular level. Our cells have a low surface tension, which is dissimilar to that of water, by adding X20 the surface tension of your water is reduced to that of your cells. This result’s in the X20 added water passing through your cells and en-route hydrating and cleansing them fully. In short we’ve found the product that best hydrates you under all circumstances. For the rest of the hangover cure go to www.hugehangover.com .
X20 is a simple and proven product. Some people may initially experience some form of cleansing after they start using X20 and drinking more water. For this reason, we recommend that some people start with one sachet a day for the first couple of days and then gradually build up to 2-3 sachets per day.
Hangover Remedies from the dawn of time.
For an extra boost to your day, start with 2 sachets in 250ml of water and drink it all at once. Then refill the bottle and drink over the next hour or so.
Anyway please forgive me for I have sinned, and start DRINKING!!!!!!!
Huge Hangover Crew.
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